people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
