I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
high people should be assigned attendants
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Randomize
