did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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