Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
