umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Randomize
