I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
I party with great urgency now.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
