I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
