it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
