can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
