Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
