Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
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