roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
We need a shit load of segways right now
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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