how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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