his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
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