well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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