i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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