If i come over, it means nothing
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Randomize