White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
