"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Randomize
