So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
