When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
