Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Randomize
