you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
