oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Randomize
