it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
