Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Randomize
