It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
