dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
They have beer where we have blood.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
