ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Just pee around me
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Randomize
