I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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