i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
