He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Randomize
