This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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