New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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