Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize