I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
