i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
