I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Randomize
