I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Randomize
