That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
