My first STD was from a foam party
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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