I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Randomize
