tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize