Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
