Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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