What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
