apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
