I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
