yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I just sucked dick on a ferry
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
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