I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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