allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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