The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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