I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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