im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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