So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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