So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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