I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize