My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Randomize
