Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
