woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
