doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
