I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
