and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Randomize
