Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
People in love make me want to vomit
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
