My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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