I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
