What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
