You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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