Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
