Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Sorry about my life...
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
