why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize