sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
