her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Randomize
