In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
