I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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