I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
