moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
