I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
