I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I have fence marks all over my body
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Randomize
