i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Randomize
