it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
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