can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
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