You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
