You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
