my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
is wine microwaveable?
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
