i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
