She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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