Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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