I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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