Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Randomize