Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Randomize
