I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
