i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
