This dress was meant to end up on your floor
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
