The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
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