My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Randomize
