you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
