I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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