Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
