dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Randomize
