so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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